Wow, that’s a lot easier to use than all the appliance contraptions we got for wedding gifts

Infomercials are those special times that you watch your television and think, “Hey I could really use that!” A great infomercial transcends time and is just as good the first time you watch it as it is the 100th time. Enter the magic bullet. No not the JFK assassination theory, the wildly entertaining morsel of Americana will go down in history as one of the most sexually charged infomercials of its time ripe with 3 dimensional stereotypical characters that are sure to amaze and offend. The two stars of this show of many stars are coincidently not the presenters, but the ageing drunk Berman, and everybody’s favorite cigarette smoking hag Hazel.



Berman is the quintessential middle class drunk with razor sharp wit. We are introduced to Berman as he staggers into the kitchen clearly wearing the clothes that he wore the night before. Coincidently, or not this guy actually looks like Chris Berman from ESPN fame. We know that Berman is a drunk because the first thing our pal Mick offers him is a daiquiri, “How ‘bout a hair of the dog that bit ya’.” I love the ageing drunk and the comedy that goes along with his presence, the sluffing and disheveled look while becoming bright eyed at a sip of the booze nectar is classic. Berman solidifies a spot in the Test Phamily Infomercial hall of fame. Congratulations.


Hazel, oh Hazel. Your amazingly perpetual cigarette and strange resemblance to Kennedy of MTV fame have stolen my heart. I think that Hazel is quite possibly the most influential character ever to be involved in infomercials. Think about it, when you think of the bullet, you think of Hazel and her cigarette. The moment she shuffled into my life as she asked the uncomfortably chipper Mick and Mimi duo, “Did somebody say muffins?”, you stole my heart. Hazel, your ageing barfly image has cut your path into the coveted Test Phamily Infomercial hall of fame. Congratulations.

While the magic bullet is billed as the “personal versatile countertop magician” the real magic lies in the production of this timeless masterpiece. Swinger parties in middle class white suburbia will never be the same thanks the recipes that are possible with the magic bullet by just pressing for 1, 2, ***extended***3.

Here is a link to the full video if you so choose to enlighten yourself.



PART ONE


PART TWO